In The Middle

Soft windy air swirling feeling wonderful on my skin, not accustom to the sun.  The sky is full of billowing Spring clouds backed by bright blue.  As I walk with my dog Cinnamon around our neighborhood into balmy winds, I find myself pondering as I often do on walks.  I ponder how long we will live in our current house, thinking of the wonderful schools my children go to and will go to in the very near future.  I ponder where I lived as a child and my friends' homes, realizing that none of their parents live in my friend's childhood homes any longer.

"Um, I wonder how long until we can move, if we choose to do so, until the kids are through school?"  I find myself thinking such thoughts for the first time...

And I realize that eleven years is the answer.  Eleven years until my youngest graduates from high school.  That is not really very long.  Eleven years ago I had a newborn baby, I was a new mom.  My life completely turned upside down as I started on this path of raising kids.  And it hits me, that I am in the middle.  In the middle of what I think of as hardcore parenting.  The kind of parenting when you have to literally be ready for anything at any moment.  Over the past couple of years I watched this mile stone coming.  I knew it would get here and probably arrive sooner than I wanted it too.  I still see my youngest as a very small child yet when I come home from teaching at the preschool, I can't help but see her growing into a big girl, a girl who is changing so fast, and quickly loosing all those last vestiges of toddlerhood.  My oldest is set on the edge of blooming into a teenager which is almost mind-boggling as well as completely beautiful.

I am in the middle.

The middle of motherhood.

The middle of life.

Wow.

From here I can see my past particularly through the lens of my own motherhood, I see my childhood and I grow.  I learn those lessons I missed and change.  I appreciate more my own parents and my life.  Of course I can't see the future yet I feel myself letting go of the desire to fix everything and make it all as it should be.  Rather I want to let things be and experience.  I am in the middle and excited to experience the ride from here.

Shadows climb up the garden wall Upon the green the first leaf falls It's the prime of life and the king and queen Step out into the sun...

...It's the prime of life, where the spirit grows And the mirror shows both ways

~ Neil Young

Shared On: The Sunday Parenting Party