Soft windy air swirling feeling wonderful on my skin, not accustom to the sun. The sky is full of billowing Spring clouds backed by bright blue. As I walk with my dog Cinnamon around our neighborhood into balmy winds, I find myself pondering as I often do on walks. I ponder how long we will live in our current house, thinking of the wonderful schools my children go to and will go to in the very near future. I ponder where I lived as a child and my friends' homes, realizing that none of their parents live in my friend's childhood homes any longer.

"Um, I wonder how long until we can move, if we choose to do so, until the kids are through school?" I find myself thinking such thoughts for the first time...

And I realize that eleven years is the answer. Eleven years until my youngest graduates from high school. That is not really very long. Eleven years ago I had a newborn baby, I was a new mom. My life completely turned upside down as I started on this path of raising kids. And it hits me, that I am in the middle. In the middle of what I think of as hardcore parenting. The kind of parenting when you have to literally be ready for anything at any moment. Over the past couple of years I watched this mile stone coming. I knew it would get here and probably arrive sooner than I wanted it too. I still see my youngest as a very small child yet when I come home from teaching at the preschool, I can't help but see her growing into a big girl, a girl who is changing so fast, and quickly loosing all those last vestiges of toddlerhood. My oldest is set on the edge of blooming into a teenager which is almost mind-boggling as well as completely beautiful.

I am in the middle.

The middle of motherhood.

The middle of life.

Wow.

From here I can see my past particularly through the lens of my own motherhood, I see my childhood and I grow. I learn those lessons I missed and change. I appreciate more my own parents and my life. Of course I can't see the future yet I feel myself letting go of the desire to fix everything and make it all as it should be. Rather I want to let things be and experience. I am in the middle and excited to experience the ride from here.

Shadows climb up the garden wall Upon the green the first leaf falls It's the prime of life and the king and queen Step out into the sun...

...It's the prime of life, where the spirit grows And the mirror shows both ways

~ Neil Young

Shared On: The Sunday Parenting Party

When did I first learn about love? Did it happen with my baby's first belly jiggling laugh or when she first looked into my eyes and said love you? Perhaps it was when I meet my now husband over Thanksgiving break from college. And I felt a searing pain in my heart every time we had to separate while I finished out that long school year away from home, away from him. Or was it even when a stranger passing by on the street offered me the honor of a heart-felt smile?

The love I found in all of these profound experiences was based on a foundation built long ago near the beginning of my life. And it was my mother who taught me about love, as most mother's do. She was my hero, my everything when I was a small child. All that sweetness she had poured into me everyday filled me up and one day was solidified while I played in our backyard.

Nestled securely in the middle of my beloved tire swing, I was twisting the tire round and round. With each successful turn a delightful popping kink of the hanging rope would gratify my efforts. I struggled to keep my feet in place with each turn as the tension from the rope sought to undo all of my hard work. Finally the rope, being all bunched up with tension, would go no further. Looking forward to my destined ride, as I had a hundred times before, I lifted me feet from the ground, held on tight and with eyes closed I began a fast spin. This time though, something went terribly wrong and in an instant I was slammed to the ground tangled up in tire and rope. The rope had broken and I, being a very small child, was trapped beneath a tire to heavy to move. Feelings of shock and pain began to consume me when an angel appeared to free me from the tire. The angel was my mother. I couldn't imagine where she had come from or how she had known I need help but she was there right when I needed her. Such a feeling of love and appreciation filled my heart that I was overwhelmed. Turns out she was folding laundry and watching me from the window that looked out underneath our porch, while I had no idea she was anywhere nearby. This was the moment, this moment when I really needed someone and that very special someone was there. This was the moment when I learned about love in a deep yet conscious way. While she rescued me from the swing, I felt the world become a safe and beautiful place. I knew that she would be there for me when I needed her, that I could trust and believe. And, as I moved forward into my life I carried this deep knowledge and used it to recognize love everywhere.

Even now I am blessed to learn more about love everyday. Everyday with my kids and husband there is more to learn, more to experience. Each day I witness acts of kindness and caring in the world, cherishing even the smallest of gestures. Mostly what I am learning about now is love for myself and appreciation for life simply as it is. With each breath and each step I endeavor to appreciate and love myself, those around me, my world and embrace being alive.

Thanks Mom!

Shared On: The Sunday Parenting Party